About a month ago my friend Xenaqui put together an order from bellydancedigs.com. She belongs to a local troop and a number of other troop members were going in on the order so they could all save on shipping. Shipping to Alaska sucks. Anyways, even though I'm not part of the troop she invited me to join the order. I ordered two hip scarfs. One fushia with silver coins and one black with silver coins. The fushia one they sent was purple but I'm just going to deal with it. Hmm maybe I should complain. I'll mention something to my friend. So the order finally came in yesterday and my friend dropped them off at my work for me. There are two ladys who come in once a week because their dogs are in our Doggie Day Care program and I know they used to do bellydancing. So when they came in I was very excited about having my scarfs so I just had to show them off. Which sparked up a whole long conversation about belly dancing and how they originally took classes from the Samia, who is the lady I took classes from on and off for the last 4 years at my gym. Which brought up the kind of bellydancing they do (tribal) and stuff about drum classes being taught in town. One of the lady's mentioned that I was free to join them sometime. To dance with them.
How crazy cool is that?!? I got invited to dance with another group of people! I'm so excited and nervous at the same time. Even though I've been bellydancing on and off for the last 4 years. I'm not sure I'm good enough to be joining a group. Just improving and having fun. Anyways she also offered to loan me some music and dvds and she is going to give me some of her hip scarfs that she had. Apparently she used to teach bellydancing for years with her sister who just recently died (like a month or two ago) and she has tons of extra scarfs! I'm so excited. I feel like all I want to do is dance and practice. I just want to dance and dance and dance some more! I want to be good enough to dance with other people. To be confident to dance in front of people.
Which brings up something else. Ever since I was little I've performed in front of people. I've done band and chior and orchestra and drama, modern dance, gymnastics and ballet. True I haven't done it in a long time but for some reason the mear idea of performing bellydancing infront of people makes me quake with fear and a feeling of inferiority. This is something I need to explore. Is it something to do with all the things I've gone through in the last few years that makes me feel this way? I used to show my horse too and we did pretty darn well. Reserve western pleasure champion and reserve high point champion. I wasn't worried about riding then. I remember being nervous about performing in plays and chior in high school but even that was fleeting and not that overpowering. Why is it that now I feel unable to perform? Like I'm not good enough and never will be? Like I'd be the laughing stock of the show if I did so? Embarrassed beyond belief? Perhaps this is something for a counceler to conqure. I will try on my own first to figure out the reason for this fear.
On a brighter note. OMG people want me to dance with them and be a part of a troop! Maybe I'm not that bad after all. And if I am, who cares! As long as I'm having fun while doing it. What matters what other people think?
